Every relationship moves out of the honeymoon phase and the longer a relationship lasts, the more ups and downs it goes through. While the ups and downs are totally normal in every relationship, if you feel more miserable and drained than happy after spending time with your partner or just being around them, it may be something else. Toxic relationships are another story, and it can be hard to see the red flags and even harder to get out of them. What can we do to protect ourselves in such situations? Accepting the reality of a difficult relationship allows us to soften. And this softening will open the door to your own compassion and wisdom.
What works is to accept that your relationship with them is super hard and that you are trying to make it less hard. In toxic relationships, it is very common for the other person to blame you for everything that has or is going wrong in your life, remember this is not true. You are not responsible for their emotions. You never have been, and you never will be. Don’t take responsibility for their suffering; if you do, they will never get the chance to take responsibility for themselves and hold themselves accountable. Another way to protect yourself and your mental well-being is to set clear and strong boundaries. Toxic people will push your boundaries and make you feel bad for having them. Know exactly what you will tolerate and what you won’t. You can’t please everyone, but toxic people will have you believe that you can’t please anyone – so you try harder, work harder, compromise more. It’s exhausting, and never worth it.
Toxic people are experts at creating crisis and drama and it is not your duty to help them through every crisis. They will call you at any sign of crisis for sympathy, attention, and support, but you don’t have to run to their side. Don’t ask questions and don’t offer help, it might make you feel like a bad person but remember you are not dealing with a healthy person. Toxic people will work hard to play down your strengths and play upon your flaws, this is often a projection of their own insecurities and that’s how they get their power. When you own your own strengths, what they think won’t matter and you take your power back. Lastly, make sure that you surround yourself with people who love and give as much as you do and make you feel good about yourself.