Life can be a funny old rollercoaster, you have your highs and you have your lows, but many people are on a pursuit to stay feeling high even when everything around shouts the opposite. As a psychologist, I work to build morale, self control and happiness on a daily basis. Often I have clients that express much angst and frustration about their life circumstances.
One client in particular Sheila* came to me expressing a lot of annoyance and upset. It was simple, she often felt like she had no control over her life and her general happiness. She went on to express that this would start first thing in the morning when there was a bill in the post, she would then spill tea on her shirt, have to clear everyone else’s mess and then get on the train, only to see no seats and miserable faces! She frustratingly expressed that this scene was the start to most of her days and overtime this was making her feel incredibly low about herself and life.
What Sheila couldn’t see was that she was letting the external (bills, mess, no seats) impact on her internal (mood, happiness, perception) state. From the moment she woke up she was creating a negative ’self fulfilling prophecy’. When we see things in negative way it encourages even more negativity. Thoughts become fixated on how ‘bad’ things are and this perception then creates your reality. Before we know it, we have created a spider web in our minds that then showers our world with shades of grey.
A technique that she started to use helped change her state of mind, she didn’t have to buy this over the counter, or order it on the internet, and actually it cost nothing! It was called the ‘thank you approach’. I tasked her to say thank you (in a full sentence) for the things she noticed from the moment she woke up – to the moment she got to work. So, instead of letting the imperfections influence her mood, she changed what she noticed and would wake up and say: thank you for my: eyes, home, family, food, public transport, clothes, beauty! And the list went on!
This created a very different feeling in Sheila, nothing had changed, the mess was still there, she was still clumsy with her tea, and she hardly got a seat on the train! But Sheila changed her perception. Instead of seeing the negative she decided to focus on the positive. She reported that her moods were better, people actually started smiling on the train and her world felt like a brighter place.
Ultimately, life can seem like a rapid boat ride and the winds on the sea can be really strong, at points we feel like we will be blown over! Alter your sails so that you can adapt and even enjoy the adventure! This will give you lot more choice and will help develop a resilience that will carry you through any storm!
If you have any questions that you would like answered contact: mamta@thinkspalondon.com
Sheila * (name has been changed)